Anyone
who has every performed live has their gruesome stories
to tell - sound guys gone mad, a crowd of ghosts, haunted
gear - and you can bet your scary ass that Q*Ball has
his share of stories to tell. Enjoy.
"NIGHT OF THE LIVING PUNKS"
SIX FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE, Jackson, NJ - OCT.'03
The ultimate dream turns into the ultimate nightmare.
Opening night of Fright Fest at Six Flags with Mya headlining
in the 3000-seat North Star Arena - who wouldn't wanna
be part of that? I had just broken my elbow the month
before & was very much out of shape - and having had
bad experiences with Six Flags before (see below), I was
worried that this would be a Fright Fest in the literal
sense. Turns out I had every reason to be. When we show
up, the venue conveniently loses our tech rider - that
means no turntables for my DJ, no DJ mixer, no amps. I
should have cut my losses right there & bailed. But
I'm just a stubborn prick, ain't I?
We soundcheck with a patchwork setup right before showtime
- it's freezing & my arm is barking. We have no dressing
room, we have access to little in the way of food &
beverage, and they stick us in a tralier with no lights
(at night, of course). So we're pretty much treated with
the respect I'm used to. The show is anticlimactic at
this point - we get a tepid intro from the half-filled
arena, and whatever little fuckers are actually there
proceed to pelt us with coins & the occasional water
bottle. After a few too many jeers by mid-set, I cut it
all short & reconsider my aspirations of becoming a professional
foosball player.
My elbow heals nicely soon after - my ego takes a bit
longer.
"BURN, Q*BALL, BURN"
JENKINSON'S, Point Pleasant, NJ - JULY '03
4th of July weekend opening for American Idol numbnuts
Justin Guarini meant 2 things - traffic & HEAT. This
made the Tradewinds show of '02 look like the Arctic.
ElleGirl Magazine (who were kind enough to pay us handsomely,
at least) erect a stage on the middle of the beach - with
no cover or canopy - so that we can melt our balls off
in style. My new DJ, Jeff Dickey, almost loses his dual
CD player & laptop to heat exposure - and people are
actually coming up to the stage during soundcheck complaining
about the noise. As if this were all my idea. Justin's
plane is delayed, so we're asked to perform (aka "suffer")
twice as long & field more complaints from the crowd.
Damn if we didn't earn our money that day.
"LOVE KILLS"
LOVESEXY, NYC - JUNE '03
I should have known better when I went to scope out this new
Times Square club with my girlfriend at the time & the fire
alarms started going off during one of the band's sets.
Best part was - no one did a goddamn thing. We all could
have burned to the ground & no one would have been
the wiser until their ass was on fire. Still, I hadn't
played a show in over 6 months & I was desperate -
the room was nice, there was a decent crowd....so I relented.
When we show up for the gig a few weeks later, we discover
that the main room has been closed down by fire inspectors (shocker!),
so we're stuck playing in what was likely once a private
room for stripping & private dancing at this former
adult club. Needless to say, I left my clothes on, but
what little crowd showed up for us basically sat on the
floor & wondered where their $10 cover went to - it
certainly didn't go to the band. John Vargas, the guy
who ran the club, was a ghost the whole day & when
my girlfriend finally tracked him down to get us some
water for the stage, he had the balls to charge her for
it. I'd have liked to take a piss on him after drinking
his pricey water.
Boon's last show, and after that debacle, I can't say
I blame him. Bye Boon.
"THE INVISIBLE SOUND WOMAN"
CODA, NYC - SEPT. '02
Great room, nice crowd. The rub? Harlan from WLIR set
this show up for us & put us in the hands of the bitchiest
club manager I've ever met - this woman was the ultimate
ice princess - and if her frozen stares & frosty demeanor
weren't enough, she was also in charge of the sound. By "in
charge," I mean she was nowhere to be found by the
time we started playing - I had people coming up to me
yelling that they couldn't hear my vocals during the first song, "Get
On The Bus," which led to one of my favorite all-time
moments - having to jump off the stage during the next
song, run to the sound board & turn my own mic up
WHILE I sang the song. Hey, at least we got paid.
Sweet irony: someone popped the lock of my car's trunk
while it was parked outside the club. The money I got paid effectively
paid to get the lock fixed. Gotta love New York.
"REVENGE OF THE SKI SHOW"
SIX
FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE, Jackson, NJ - AUG. '02
We were playing with our friends Grand Skeem & were
to use their backline - only problem was they were stuck
in traffic on their way back from a show in Ohio, so we
sat around with our thumbs in our asses til they showed
up a few hours later. While we waited, we lost a few hundred
people every hour who went over to the ski show next to
the stage. The sound guy, Dave, conveniently decided to
skip out of the park before any of the bands went on,
leaving a bunch of bewildered boy scouts to run the show
(into the ground). When we finally went on, whatever crowd
we had consisted of people walking by on the way to the log flume.
Nothin like playing second fiddle to a goddamn log flume,
let me tell ya.
"AMSTEL LIGHT CHICKS FROM HELL"
NEPTUNE BEACH CLUB, East Hampton, NY - AUG. '02
Huge stage, huge place, disinterested crowd. I take solace
in the fact that Splender, who headlined, got less response
than we did (if that were possible). My favorite part
was when one of the Mexican sound engineers/bus boys (these
guys were like the Hispanic Marx Brothers) literally
grabbed the mic from me as I was finishing up a song &
told us, totally spur-of-the-moment, that our set had
been cut in half & we were to come back on later that
afternoon. Thanks for the notice, Pepe.
The rather attractive Amstel Light girl to my right chatted
me up & gave me her phone number after the show, and then proceeded
to stand me up not once, not twice, but THREE times over
the next month. Your loss, beeyotch.
